Explainer | How to forgive someone and the health benefits of forgiveness, both mental and physical
- A domestic violence victim found liberation in forgiving her abusive ex-husband and now encourages others to reconcile, too
- A CEO who experienced lower levels of anger, increased feelings of love and overall improved health helped devise an eight-step guide to practising forgiveness
When domestic violence survivor Ruchi Singh was ready to change the course of her life, she knew she could not move forward without completing a daunting task – forgiving her ex-husband, the man who once told her he was going to kill her as he held a knife to her throat.
“I needed to set myself free from my past to recreate a meaningful life for myself,” Singh said. “As the Dalai Lama says, ‘Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies’ … When we don’t forgive, we are actually inflicting pain on ourselves.”
In the years following her traumatic experience, Singh delved deep into meditative practices to stop reliving the past. She also took up yogic breathing techniques, known as pranayama, and nada yoga – practising yoga against a backdrop of calming sound.
For three months, she focused solely on her goal of forgiveness with the help of meditative practitioners to truly and deeply forgive her ex-husband for the acts he committed against her.
“[Forgiveness] was a conscious choice as I decided to move away from a place of hurt, pain and negativity towards healing and happiness,” Singh said. “Once I forgave, I felt that something tight within me had loosened and dissolved.”